Sunday, 5 June 2011

A Schue-in

Top 6 Results: 4th June 2011

Previously: AndrogyLee and Bethany Rose rifled through Sisco's wardrobe and then showed us their murky cha cha, MattFlintMania and Katie Love did something that is exactly what you'd expect a contemporary dance interpretation of 'Total Eclipse Of The Heart' to look like, and Angry Luke and Fat Deaf Old Foot-Phobic Face-Planting Non-Choreographing Kirsty went to prom together as friends, but THEY TOTALLY GOT INVITES FROM OTHER PEOPLE AND CHOSE NOT TO ACCEPT THEM OKAY. Having thus established that we were in for a gay old time, the show then climaxed with an all-male paso doble that left me feeling like I needed a cigarette afterwards (and I say this as someone who has never smoked in his life), and an all-female contemporary routine covered in glitter confetti with a Bette Midler soundtrack. Seriously: so much gay.


We start with another group number, to the Glee version of 'Proud Mary'. Everyone's dressed as 1960s fashion victims on Carnaby Street, by which I mean the ladies have all got black bobcut wigs on, with pink minidresses and thigh-high boots, and then men are all in tight black tops and trousers, and accessorised with white belts and a white target painted on their chests. With those wigs on, it is quite difficult to tell the women apart. I hadn't realised how reliant I was on things like Katie Love's pink hair to identify people. Anyway, they proceed with a fun Broadway number with lots of cute sixties touches, and Luke is vamping away like a good'un. Cat arrives and declares peace, and most of them give V-signs (the nice kind) back to her, apart from Matt who ignores her entirely. Cat thanks Bill Deamer for choreographing that routine, and I wonder why Bill couldn't have been around more often this series, as I've really enjoyed both of his routines tonight. Also, Cat's hair needs a good brushing. You're a Pantene spokeswoman, Cat. I'm sure there is something in your contract that forbids you from going on television looking like this.

Highlights from earlier: with Lee's hair slicked back, Bethany Rose vowed to "flick for the both of us". DIRTY! She tells us that she loved dancing with Lee and couldn't ask for anything more. Matt was "technically flawless", per Sisco, and says backstage that he felt that they were both just really in the moment. Kirsty got a rave review from Sisco [and hence from nobody - Chris] and hurled under the bus Jenny-style by everyone else. Her acting is half-baked! Dogs hate Kirsty! Kirsty is not small and truthy like Danielle is! Kirsty responds to this by fleeing the stage in tears, and crying to the make-up team that she couldn't see anything because of all the hair in her face. Oof. Lee was ecstatic to have some of his best feedback of the season (I hope he's not including Nigel's "the public hate you, you're going home tonight" in that, because if so he has really low self-esteem). Louise thought Katie was perfect, and Katie thinks that she needed to raise her game, and hopes that she did that tonight. Luke looked better in a lilac suit than anyone has any right to, and was pretty awesome on the dancefloor as well (though I'm disappointed not to get a chance to revisit his madbonkers solo here), and he's really happy with the judges' comments.

Cat assures everyone that they've all been phenomenal tonight, but they do need to put two more guys and two more girls in the danger zone. She's going to start with the girls: Katie's contemporary routine earned a standing ovation, and Arlene thought she delivered tonight; Bethany got some good feedback but almost none of it is repeated here; Kirsty was thrown under the bus entirely. The first girl through to the final is...Kirsty! Kirsty gapes, Bethany Rose smiles affectionately, Katie Love looks impassive. So Katie and Bethany Rose are dancing for their lives, to no one's surprise. Cat urges them to give it everything they've got.

Same deal for the guys: Luke's Broadway routine got rave reviews all round; Matt's contemporary routine took Nigel by surprise; Lee delivered as always. The guy who is safe and through to the final is...Matt. Again, absolutely no surprise there, and I think I include everyone on stage when I say it, though Matt at least makes a decent fist of being humble about it all. On the bright side: this means we get solos from Luke and Lee B, both of which should be AMAZING.

Katie's up first, performing to 'Then You Look At Me' by Celine Dion. It's actually a very passionate performance from her, using the whole of the stage, never stopping for a second, really hurling herself into every movement. It's basically the same level of engagement she had in her earlier number, except without having Matt there to catch her when she lobs herself forward.

Luke's next, dancing to 'I'm Not Alone' by Calvin Harris. I regret to inform you that it is comparitively restrained when you think of his solo from earlier [Liza Minnelli is comparatively restrained when you think of his solo from earlier - Chris], but if you like looking at the muscles in his arms [YOU RANG? - Chris], this will be right up your street because there is some serious flexing going on here.

Bethany Rose returns to dance to 'Man In The Mirror' by Michael Jackson, having returned to a red cut-out leotard rather than the demure flowy dresses she's been sporting for solos quite a lot recently. I'm actually a bit disappointed with this solo, which seems like a lot of nothing - a few impressive moments, but in terms of commitment and energy, it's rather lacking compared to Katie's solo, or indeed Bethany Rose's own solo from earlier.

And finally, there is Lee B, sporting a new yet equally horrific pair of leggings. LEAVE THE LEGGINGS ALONE, LEE B. His routine is to 'Army Of Me' by Björk. Fortunately, after the disappointment of Luke's restraint, Lee unleashes enough crazy for everyone in his routine, which is a proper kitchen sinker. Lots of leaps, lots of kicks, some crawling on the floor, and mine and Chris's personal favourite, a moment where he twitches his head back while kicking his foot around, almost kicking himself in the head. Oh, and his hair is completely obscuring his face, Kirsty-style, for a good half of the routine.

While the judges deliberate, here is Mr Schuester from Glee to sing for us. At this point, I wish I were one of the judges up there deliberating, just so I wouldn't have to listen to this. The song is 'Still Got Tonight' from his new eponymous album, and it's pretty bland, although it's nice to know that Kris Allen's still using his time productively (he co-wrote it, you see). Anyway, I'm sure Matthew Morrison is a perfectly nice bloke, but the problem with him as a solo artist is that, because of Glee, it is essentially like watching one of your teachers getting up and singing in assembly. [That and the hair - Chris] Also, I found out yesterday that Naya Rivera had signed a record deal, which kind of makes this entire performance irrelevant. SANTANA LOPEZ 4EVA.

Once that's over, Cat welcomes back the four dancers who are in danger, GURL. Starting with the girls, Nigel says that Katie and Bethany Rose are the two that he would've liked to see in the finals, but Britain has voted, and the show is meant to be about Britain's favourite dancer, not Britain's best dancer, although frankly that still doesn't explain Charlie Bruce [Nothing explains Charlie Bruce - Chris]. Nigel loves Bethany and thinks she's fabulous, but tonight Katie won him over, so Bethany's outta here. Bethany's all "yup, kinda saw that coming." Cat offers to show us Bethany's best bits, although thanks to some of her outfit choices, most of us are probably intimately familiar with them. Anyway: golden ticket, hanging up on Nigel, spiderweb of doom, being raised by alpacas, somehow surviving two hip hop routines. Cat tells Bethany we'll all remember that spider routine forever, [WE WILL ALL REMEMBER BETHANY-ROSE'S SPIDER FOREVER - Chris] and Bethany says that she felt so strongly about this competition, and thanks everyone for making her dreams come true. She also thanks her supportive family of adorable barnyard animals.

Time to sort out the boys. The judges are unanimous, though Nigel stresses that it's not about letting somebody go that is bad, just about having to let someone go. They're both unique dancers, but AndrogyLee is the one who's going home. Lee looks a little sad, but gets a hug from Luke which I think would go some way to making up for it. (What? Luke looks like he hugs well.) While Luke goes off to hug Matt as well, Lee gets another hug from Cat, and we review his finest leggings of the series: lots of "breaking the mould", lots of "you're a nerd who's in love with Kirsty", lots of hair, lots of leggings, lots of general Team Raggy Dolls amazingness. Aw. I'm going to miss AndrogyLee, but I guess at least he'll be back next week for the finale anyway, so this isn't such a terrible week to go out, especially when it's basically all just a fight to see who gets to finish second behind MATTFLINTMANIA anyway. [Is it Kirsty? Is it Luke? THE TENSION - Chris] Lee's VT finishes by saying that he loves that the show has allowed him to be unique, and he hopes that if people stare at him now, it's because he was on the telly. Cat asks what she's going to do without him every week, and Lee replies that he's not sure, because "Britain needs more leggings." Hee! He adds that he came on the show to prove that you can't judge a book by its cover, and hopes that's what he's done. Kirsty is crying and yelling and jumping up and down for him like a mad thing in the pit. Awww. I hope they stay friends, they look like they had a great time dancing together.

Cat teases next week's grand finale featuring Jennifer Lopez [I cannot believe J-Lo is turning up for this - Chris] as Kirsty runs onstage and hurls herself at Lee, and Bethany sort of stands there a bit awkwardly until Matt walks up and gives her a big hug. As always, eventually it just devolves into a big group cuddle party and then we're done. So, your finalists are: MattFlintMania, Angry Luke, Katie Love and Fat Deaf Old Foot-Phobic Face-Planting Non-Choreographing Kirsty. Who will win? Well, Matt, obviously, but who will come second? [F'nar - Chris] That, I'm sure you'll agree, is a question that no one can answer, at least not until next Saturday's results show. See you then!

1 comment:

  1. Before the curtain closes on the UK version of SYTYCD I just want to thank you Chris and Steve for providing lots and lots of belly-laughs on a Sunday night! Muchos Gracias!